Trying to Recover from a Narcissist…

One of greatest challenges that you can go through in life is trying to recover from exposure to a narcissist.

The feelings are as follows:

He never loved me

He enjoyed my pain

I was just sport to him

The hurt that you feel cuts so deep and so raw that it leaves you crying in the car alone, convulsing with grief from the very depths of your stomach and trying to understand how on earth you fell for this charade.

You feel nothing as a human for a while. Absolutely nothing. They have stamped that out of you and it’s like you are now just a pool, a former puddle of yourself, beyond repair.

You need to pick yourself up beyond the choking grief into some kind of upright human structure that will go about their day with a pretence that you can feel the same joy that you formerly did.

It’s a massive effort and a mirage. You’re not really there. Just a bundle of searching and chaotic thoughts, euphoric recall, cognitive dissonance and all the things that you should not be thinking about as the dopamine is rushes back in.

Each and every illicit thought is bringing him back to you. Kissing him alive. It’s torture.

And… he’s back again. Renting space in your mind for free.

The urge to message him with a ridiculous apology to say that you are sorry for what HE DID is strong and inexplicable. The curse of the trauma bond.